I first met my inner Goddess during the birth of my first child. At the time I was unaware that it was she that I was communing with. When I first encountered her, I was simultaneously awestruck and deeply afraid. I wasn’t afraid of the discomfort or hard work that I was experiencing during labour, I was afraid of her power! I tried to hold her power back. I tried to control her. I thought if I unleashed her power, I would tear in two and be destroyed. I resisted her with every cell of my being, keeping at bay the primal scream that threatened to be released.
My body was no longer in control; a force that shook me to the very core had seized it. This was happening during the second, pushing stage of labour and with each contraction, this force threatened to consume me so I held it back as best as I could. For over two hours, I resisted until my conscious, earthly fear of being transferred to hospital to have my baby surgically removed overtook my other fears. I knew then that I had to harness this energy and power within me. I had to surrender my need for control and release my fear to fully embrace this source of power.
With great trepidation, on the next contraction, I answered the call. I finally surrendered my resistance and said YES to this hidden force. I felt my connection to my inner power. I realised that I could do it; I could handle all this energy and still survive. Within minutes, my baby started to be released from my body and less than twenty minutes later she was born safely into my eager hands. My euphoria soared as I experienced the ecstasy of achievement. I had accessed my hidden power to birth my baby fully naturally with no pain relief or medical procedures. Even though it was my first child, my perineum had stretched beautifully, accommodating her passage without tearing. Ten minutes later, my body once again responded with its natural physiology to spontaneously eject the placenta with minimal bleeding.
The context of this birth was that my baby was breech and I was having a home birth against all medical and social advice. Contrary to most other people, I did not trust hospitals and doctors due to past negative experiences and I wanted to avoid a surgical birth at all costs. Additionally I had learnt during my holistic therapy training of the connection between the mind and body and the art of manifestation. I had read many books that taught the importance of natural birth to the baby and I truly believed that birth was a natural not a medical event.
Additionally during my daughter’s birth, I had learned something about the process of birth and myself. I had learned that hidden deep in my female physiology lay a fierce and immense power and if I had it then other women had it too. I felt like I had uncovered a secret, a secret that I knew many other women had not yet learned. I knew something that no man could ever know or experience and I knew that is why the male dominated medical model of birth is so unsuccessful. I was passionate in a way that I had never experienced before. Just slightly below my level of conscious awareness, I knew that I had stumbled on my very reason for being.
I immediately wanted to shout it to the world. I wanted to reveal its mysteries to all the women in my life because I wanted them to share in the euphoria and transformation that I had experienced. When I tried to impart this knowledge, I found that no one was listening. I found that the conditioning and programming around birth was so deeply ingrained that most women could not even fathom what I was talking about. I saw that a deep fear and resistance stopped them from even trying.
It seemed incredulous that strong, successful women believed they couldn’t do it when it came to birth. I struggled to understand why so many gave up the opportunity to experience their inner strength and access their sacred inner wisdom. I felt frustrated by a society and culture that actively encouraged this disempowerment and felt angry with those who chose to profit financially from the business of birth.
The Goddess exists for us all, it is time to reclaim her in the process of birth!
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